Friendship in Disability

 

Over the weekend, a friend of mine posted a rant online, and with their consent, I’m sharing my thoughts about it here. They talked about a friend who had “gone dark” to test if people would notice their absence. If no one reached out, the friend would "dump" those who hadn’t checked in.

This behaviour raises many questions about friendship. Yes, sometimes it’s frustrating to feel like you’re the one always initiating contact, but life gets busy. My friend, for example, juggles work, raises children, runs a household with pets, and volunteers in the community. It’s not always easy for people to make time, even if they care deeply.

A simple phone call or message—like saying, “Hey, we haven’t seen each other in ages!”—can go a long way. Starting a group chat is another great way to stay connected. However, for people with disabilities, especially those with ASD, ADHD, or depression, initiating contact can be incredibly hard. That’s where compassion comes in.

This friend of mine puts up with a lot of me, and I try to be thoughtful in return. For her birthday, I got her a sarcastic card to match a gift that was a week late. But I remembered, thanks to one of my parents seeing her birthday announcement on Facebook, and I made the effort to call her. It’s small gestures like this that keep friendships alive.

Support Workers and Boundaries

This situation also brings up an important topic: the role of support workers in addressing loneliness. Sometimes, when clients express feeling lonely, support workers might respond with, “I’m your friend.” While this might be well-meaning, it’s important to consider: if the support worker wasn’t being paid, would they still choose to spend time with the client? Support workers can be friendly and caring, but at the end of the day, it’s a professional relationship with boundaries.

Social skills are a huge part of the job, but there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. This issue has made me reflect on my own ethical practices. For example, I’ve been questioning the ethics of having a support worker record me on my own phone. While I do have consent to record in my housing facility, I plan to speak with my agency and seek advice from the relevant commission to ensure everything is above board.

I’ve also considered whether it’s appropriate to have a support worker behind the camera when I’m filming content outside my home. Many support workers have a heavy social media presence, and this creates a grey area regarding boundaries and privacy.

The Glamorization of Support Work

Another point worth mentioning is the glamorization of support work. In recent years, there has been a tendency to portray support work as an easy or glamorous job—a role that’s just about companionship or fun activities. While social connection is an aspect of the job, the reality is far more demanding. Support work often involves hard, physical tasks like cleaning, basic household management, and personal care. It requires emotional resilience, patience, and a willingness to navigate complex situations. This misunderstanding can lead to people entering the field without fully appreciating how challenging and vital the work truly is.

Ethics and Self-Reflection

This year, I’m focusing on ethics—particularly in terms of who I allow into my home and whether they are “safe people.” I’ve also been working on manifestation and practising mindfulness. One principle I’ve learned from the law of attraction is that the energy you give out can shape what you attract. If you focus on negativity, you may attract more of it. If you’re realistic and open, you may not get exactly what you want, but you’ll often get what you need or a lesson the universe wants you to learn.

For me, this lesson has been to question the ethics of recording with support workers involved. I plan to discuss this directly with staff and management to clarify expectations. Sometimes, support workers need to cross certain boundaries to perform their duties, such as helping with personal care. These scenarios require a lot of trust and clear guidelines to maintain professionalism.

Continuing the Conversation

This is a conversation we need to keep having—not just about what clients expect from support workers, but also what support workers expect from clients. By addressing these issues together, we can build stronger, healthier relationships within the disability community.