My Manifestation journey continued

 

So, I must just get this out of my system, and I am seeing why I am not manifesting what I want in my life. The first one is I am not putting in the work, so the meditation to find the blockages in my life as are becoming very apparent to me, and some things I can’t control but others I can, and I am willing to tell you why.

In my house (I live in what is called a SIL house, this is short for Supported Independent Living) it’s a type of housing for people with disability but is more for people with mental health needs or like myself psychosocial disabilities. So, people who would otherwise fall between the cracks in support, but we have one support worker that through the virtue of her relationship’s in the company. She is essentially allowed to get away with a lot more and simply feels the need to be the adult in the room and “direct traffic, this is annoying the other support workers as they have had to pick up the slack due to them not being able to speak up to management due to the relationships that management have with this support worker, I know that some of the company workers read the blog so I won’t mention the names or the company.

But I am seeing that I am focusing on that this support worker is doing a lot of shifts in the house and I am worried about it as frankly, I don’t feel safe around her and this takes up a lot of emotional energy in me feeling like I can’t ask for help but we see that the nature of the housing the idea is that support is embedded into the house, and certain hygiene tasks need to be done by the support workers or the clients if they are capable of it, it kind is supposed to run like a cross between a share house and a group home as a lot of the clients have come of group home situations or institutionalization, or aren’t physically capable of learning how to look after a home so this is where the support comes into play.

I know a few of you would now be thinking how this is related to manifestation and meditation, well I have finally wrapped my head around the phrase that your thoughts create your reality.  So, this to me means that what am I thinking about and why am I spending the emotional energy on it? So, I am spending far too much emotional energy, worrying about what I can’t control and this being the rostering for care in the house, but I can control how I react to this person who is essentially coasting on the fact she is related to management but objectively lazy.

The choices I have around this person are to complain and complain to support workers and accept this or I can listen to them and not gossip but accept that we have been told that she will eventually be transitioned out of the house when cold and flu season is over and that the person who does the rosters is back to who used to do it as well. As this person used to be able to cherry-pick her shifts and feels that is can control the people in the house but doesn’t control her behaviour.

So, I can control my behaviour towards her, and I can focus my energy on my crafts, online content creation, family and the volunteering I do as well.   Refocusing on what I am putting positive emotional energy into is a good thing as it re-focuses me on what I want to achieve as well and I don’t have to engage with the support workers I don’t like as I am allowed a lot of freedom of movement and the ability to come and go as I please as I don’t have the behavioural issues that others do such as being a runner in a public place or not being able to stick to a budget.

The manifestation is bringing about changes in me and I am healing a lot better now I am doing the work to heal so eating well, as there are ways to be able to eat healthy on a budget, do physical therapy and have digital breaks, as well as being much more aware of my impact on people.

The way I react to people will be different to the way that others will react, but I am teaching that people need to be respectful to me and that doesn’t mean giving F off I am busy vibes but being approachable and standing up for myself only when needed and this is a good thing.  As it has led to several situations where people have been very open to helping me, but I know I can be a bit much.

During this manifestation journey I am seeing that by the “vibrations” that I give the universe is giving me what I need and sometimes that is a lesson in humility and being able to wait, and this is what I am needing to do and the other thing is accepting that I am disabled and accepting the help from other support workers in the house, so it got to be a good thing and I am putting aside my doubts that the universe won’t provide as it always does and sometimes on a practical level as well, such as me meal prepping and my sister sending home leftovers from when she has all of us over for dinner as my relationship with food is let’s say complex.

But let’s see if I stop worrying about what I can’t control and surrendering to the universe does help at all and let’s see what the rostering team is doing and are they listening to our family and advocates as well.