My Manfestation journey and where my life is at.

 

It’s a Saturday morning and I am going to a club I attend, and it is focused on gardening, and I am seeing that it’s an interesting dynamic, of older people and younger people. But what I have noticed is that I am the one constantly reaching out to people.  I was able to gain some needed perspective as well. 

I am stepping back for a while to focus on myself and catching up on organizing my home and health as I have had constantly for several months my platelets sky high. (This is my white blood cells that are the packman of the body) I am also studying at the moment and have let myself get very disorganized due to my health.

I am also not a very nice person to be around at the moment due to my being in constant pain I have had several bad days and I haven’t been able to access the support I needed. So, I am taking the time to reflect on this as well. However I am realising that I am my own worst enemy and I do at times lash out at the very people who are paid to support me and to help me, but I can't do this as it is really unacceptable due to the fact that my home is their workplace. 

It seems to me that I was trying so hard to have a perfect life that it all fell apart. So, I am starting to rebuild it to a life where if things get messy, I can accept the help I need.

This includes being able to accept support workers that I don’t really get along with and kindly telling the truth. I know that this will shock some people, but I feel it needs to be said that I was a people pleaser and I feel that this is what got me sick in the first place. I also am looking for work in retail or an office as well.   I have the skills needed but I am putting in application after application and I am wondering why I am not even being considered then I realized that I have a massive resume gap, so I am doing some online study. But this is self-driven and self-paced. This is what I realized I needed to be able to do and to work with as I spend far too much time on my own and it effected my mental health I am asking family to help me to organize my place as I seem to be left to my own devices far too often in the house, but I am keeping my options open as I know that the universe will provide for me and me being my true self will be a good thing.

 

I am really hoping that I am able to have my request honored about having this support worker removed from this house or if she is able to reflect on what she is isn’t doing.. I am also stating to people that I am not going to be the reaching out all the time.

But in bringing this back to the NDIS, it shows that people do need to be aware of professional boundaries and understanding of them in giving home support as well. So lets see how it goes of manifesting a better fit in the house and being able to settle and feel supported in the house. 

So I am manifesting that I am able to trust the universe and to be able to help me to feel safe in my own home.