Manifestation journey and meditation
I posted yesterday about being able to trust myself and to manifest
the life I want, and I have realized that in writing it I still see myself as an
able-bodied person, this at times is true but there is something that I need to
accept and that is that I am not ably bodied, and this is “My truth.”
My reality is that I am disabled and that short of a miracle
there is nothing that is going to change it yes there is trauma around this but
I see that I did learn a lot about myself and I am now working towards healing
this trauma and this is where I see that I am starting to have more of an interest
in what I have always had an interest in but due to my beliefs I thought that they
were “evil, or forbidden” then I look at the religions I was in and what they
have done historically, and I started to question things and this was the one
thing that I see in most organized religions is that you need to accept the narrative
that is given to you and I see that this has bled into the mass media as well
in trying to control the narratives in what we see and support as well.
I at the time of writing am quietly celebrating that Matt Walsh’s
documentary “What is a Woman?” which exposed a lot of lies and outright harm by
some sections of our community was put out on Twitter and despite his team
being assured that it would be ok as Twitter is now enforcing the right to free
speech it was blocked. It took Elon Musk to step in and promote it and I see
that some people “chose to resign” as where the head of the safety team, and
this isn’t safe for some people, but we do see worse on Twitter every day. [i]It
makes me glad that I enforce that I need screen-free time and time around
family and friends, or even just out of the house.
Why I am celebrating this is that it’s a win for common
sense and the ability to tell the truth and not be worried about the “algorithm;”
or for something harmless being demonetized or even doxed online for telling
the truth or standing up for your values.
I will always take
longer or need support to do things and to be able to work towards my goals
this isn’t to stop myself but it is to provide some accountability to myself
and offer some healing around this as I was doing a meditation last night as
something different I tried a releasing trauma from the body and I found it
helped but I will have to continue to do it as I didn’t realize how much emotion was stored
in my body as for so long I have been that “stoic” person who will keep on
keeping on, and I didn’t realize that this is what made me so sick at times as
I am starting to have an interest in the mind-body connection and how the body
can at times help in the healing of the body.
I am not saying to throw out, the sensible things like a healthy
diet, some exercise and keeping your home and living spaces organized and clean
as this I think that people forget about the cleaning of things is important and
to be able to do this does take time effort and organization as well.
I have always been a mind-over-matter person and I am
realizing in some aspects of my life this is a great idea however, I am seeing regarding
my health it’s not a great idea. I also would have never seen coming me going from
a child raised in the Anglican church to Pentecostal Christian to being invited
to a catholic church, to being spiritual but not religious would be a path I would
take and I see that this is a path that I needed to take due to the people I met
and the lessons I learned from them, I have to say that the fakest people I did
meet ( and not all of them where fake) where in the Pentecostal churches.
The things that were forbidden where astrology and tarot card
reading but I take these with a grain of salt and look at free will and see
that they have a rich tradition in native religions and that there is some
level of truth to them. However, I am not about to put my money on a number or
spend money on a card reading when I can look them up for the cost of my
internet connection online and there are some great readers on YouTube as well.
So, I did this meditation last night and today I am having a
very high pain day (for those who are reading this as a stand-alone post I have
a condition called peripheral neuropathy and mine presents as pain, burning,
and numbness as well as muscle fatigue. However, I am wondering if this is more
my coffee intake and lack of movement due to having noise in my house last
night.
But I see that the meditation did work, and I see that if I
do it consistently I feel that I finally will release the trauma and emotions
that have been trapped in my body for a while and I will finally accept that
its ok to rest and restore the body.
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