Radical honesty and how it is changing my life in unexpected ways.

 This is going to be a radically honest blog post and it’s something I think we need to be talking about a lot more about what I experience daily I am sure that I am not alone in it this being social isolation as I am not pushed to work by the government and my doctors don’t want me to and this leaves me with a lot of time on my hands and I am battling an internet addiction.

As all of my friends are either married and volunteer and work part-time, Unmarried but work unsocial hours, or overseas and I only see them occasionally through Zoom and talk to them on the internet. I have realized that a lot of my depression comes from being isolated so I am setting myself up as a public speaker and I am reaching out to people who can help me to deal with these addictions as well.

So this post is going to be an ongoing series about how I am going to try and find a community offline or even start to create one, as I know that the disability community in Toowoomba is a tight nit, but I am finding that I do and don’t fit in at the same time and this isn’t great at the moment, as my age is starting to come against me and I have a very long resume gap but I am going to see what I can do to get myself out of the house as a volunteer and this might lead into paid work or even to look at study as well. Because I didn’t think through the blog and the YouTube thing as well and I have been so picky with my romantic relationships I do feel like I would give forever-alone vibes as well.

I know a lot of this is coming from the fact that I am getting older and starting to do the worst thing possible to compare myself to others this is the worst thing a person can do as we all have very different life paths, and I see that my parents are taking a tough love approach to me as well that I need to figure it out on my own. I am also in the process of letting go of a lot of societal expectations of me and letting go of the resentment I hold towards myself and others that I have put unrealistic expectations on and how this has impacted my life and relationships.

I am ready for some challenges that I am able to complete so I am going to look into running a walking club and to talk to someone about doing some study to level up the blog and the YouTube and I am still looking for a mentor in this regard, I am also going to start to manifesting the things I want on life but in the words of Dolly Parton dreams do come true by themselves you need to put wings on them and we see that this is an issue with me I really see with my internet addiction that I do lack the self-discipline that is needed to be able to put my devices away as I seem to see them as a replacement for picking up the phone or a book or wandering next door to talk to people and that is the point of a Sil house is to be able to have that connection, but it comes at a cost and that is a whole other blog post and I am going to leave this post hear as I am going to do some house work and start creating a life offline as I see that I go from one extreme to the other and I know that this is a part of my brain injury but I need to be able to work towards something and that something I believe is a legacy of education about disability and that means connecting with others and not being selfish about things as well and getting out of my head and into life and that means swallowing my pride and accepting the help that is given to me and working with the support teams in the house and starting to look for opportunities outside the house as well so that is going for a walk and not taking my phone or having my phone in my pocket.

Organizing meet and greets for followers of the blog and YouTube but it all comes down to self-discipline I once had so much now I don’t know if I have it but I am going to work on having it again as well and I see that by doing the work is half the issue in manifesting the job that I want I need to be able to work with others and this means that I need to be able to force myself to do the uncomfortable and that is ask for what I need and this means for me asking for people to spread the word that I am open for bookings for speaking and to write for blogs and to consult on disability issues and I see that this generation is pushing back on the “oppression” Olympics and trying to solve the issues at hand and these issues are, intergenerational issues as well.

I see subconsciously I did have this mentality and I need to move past it to yes a radical honesty approach but an approach that says I am thankful for but being realistic about where I am at with life and this means facing some uncomfortable truths as well.

I will be doing a series on the uncomfortable truths in my life and what they are and how I need to fix them as well as some things that I see have a very dark side to them such as deciding to become a minimalist but this then leaves me needing to by new clothes as I took it to the extreme and I didn’t think it through, as I don’t seem to think through a lot of thing such as moving out of the home the first time, or deciding to start the blog or even quitting a very good job without a safety net so I am in a very odd place in my life where I don’t need to look for work but I need to be challenged and if I get a job I have to limit the hours I am working so I don’t lose my safety net when it comes to my health and if this sounds confusing it is confusing for me as well, and I am not looking forward to buying new clothes as well. I have a limited amount packed up but I am trying not to spend money I don’t need to get a camera for YouTube and to work towards having that as a sustainable business this is challenging for me as I am used to not having to think about money and now I need to think about money a lot more and I have a cycle that I go down when it comes to spending money and it’s not a great cycle at all.

But I am trying to break out of a poverty mindset into an abundance one as I know when I talk to people about manifestation they swear by it and I am starting to see that there might be something to this manifestation and asking the universe for what you need, this is a very important distinction what you need and not what you want as what you need can become very different from what you want and this can become an issue as well. I know that this has been an incredibly rambling post but I see that it’s a post that needed to be written about disordered thinking and how it can really impact people in unexpected ways and how long it takes for YouTube to take off and how social isolation can be a very bad thing for people and I see that this is where I need to be able to talk to someone and to be grounded in reality as well. So, a reality that says ask for help and it will be given to you.

So I am going to ask for people to share this post far and wide to be able to get the word out that I am going to start public speaking about the reality of disability and how to avoid the common pitfalls of becoming disabled and how to include people with a disability on a very real level and how to deal with chronic illness as well and how to be able to have a healthy relationship with others as this is something that I am only just starting to learn as well.