talking to people with a intellectual disablity about death
This is a for anyone is a tricky topic and one that we need to avoid but in disability, we can see that they want to protect the person at all costs, and this can have a cost in and of itself and not talking about death being a part of life is a part of that and we see that this is an issue.
This video was made when the announcement was made about the death of HRH Queen Elisabeth the second and we see that this was handled in a very respectful manner it's difficult to see what needs to happen when death is forced into the spotlight.
We see that people need to be aware of how to talk about difficult and challenging topics without triggering emotions in themselves as I have heard heartbreaking stories about people with a disability who have been in care and whose parents have died and they didn't have any concept of death and she asks when her mother is coming back and was kept away from the funeral.
I think it is important to have the person at the funeral as they were a part of the family and this might require things like having a support worker there or taking the person to the funeral sight or church ahead of time.
Each person has their own way of doing things but to me, the best practice is to, be honest with the person, and if a person is older or has a condition that will lead to their death, to be honest with the person about what death is and to answer questions honestly. It could be relating it back to a pet or another family member that has died.
As well as not using euphemisms that might get confusing for the person such as, crossing the rainbow bridge or moved to the farm, as this gives the expectation that the person might come home and this sets the person up for failure.
The funeral chapel, church, or other services that the family use might have ways of explaining it respectfully, as well. I know I mention in the video about using kids' books and we get hung up on "age-appropriate," but in disability, we need to get this out the window and have what works for people with disability.
It could also mean having a support worker attend the services or taking the person ahead of time and explaining what would happen, and how the person would expect things to go, as this person's mother died in a car crash and was taken away and now when she sees air rescue services tells people she meets that her mother was taken in one of them and didn't come home. So she is left wondering when her mother will come home.
So this is where honesty is so important and what needs to happen is complex but we need to have a conversation around death and give the person the time to grieve and the might look different it might be "acting out," it might be taking the person to visit the grave, it might be letting the person remember the person and telling stories about the person.
It really does depend on the person's capabilities and understanding of the world around them, and this might be hard in organizing the support but it's needed and is something that needs to happen a lot more often as it also prepares the other family members for the fact that this person might need extra support and who is going to be responsible for this in the family and these are really important documents to have ahead of time as well.
So in closing, we see that there are some great resources for talking to people about death and dying that are around.
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