Society and the social contract.

As we grow up, we get taught several things, learn through our experiences, and learn that in society we are expected to play a certain role. 

So, for those who are female, we see that the life script is school, university or training working and marriage and then kids and a family. For Males, it’s the same script just marriage kids and family are optional. But for either gender, we see that people with a disability are supposed to play the role of learnt helplessness and to be childlike even as an adult.

So, parents do flip this script and very firmly tell their children that disability isn’t an excuse and I know that for me learning what is an excuse and what is a reason is a very fine line as well, but we also then see able-bodied adults behave in very naïve ways and this sometimes can lead them to seek diagnoses as an adult.

But the script that society wants us to play is the role of the victim and make that our identity. However, when we start advocating for our needs and step out of the role of victim to survivor, we see that this is a massive issue for society as we are accepted only if we stay in where it is comfortable for the people who are caring for us.

We also see that there is a phrase, “hard to reach demographic,” and this is starting to be flipped as people speak out about the ability or in the ability to access the services they need and to have some sort of economic participation in the workplace. This is another role that we are supposed to play that we are supposed to survive on benefits because workplaces even for hidden disabilities can be accessible as well,  and the message that sends us is that we are to be told what level of care we need and to accept what we get and to be grateful,  however, we see that this becomes an issue when people start advocating for what they need and being prepared to suffer the backlash that comes with this as well.

I would like to see the day when we don’t have to have the international day of the disabled, but when we have a disability history month as there are amazing people who despite their disabilities did do amazing things with their lives and weren’t pitied as this is another role that we are supposed to play that we are the object of pity or the object of admiration and there is no in between and this becomes an issue when we have a bad day and everyone has bad days and behaviour in disability is more complex than people realize, all behaviours are a form of communication and in disability, we need to ask the question what is happening in that person’s life or to ask what need they aren’t getting met healthily and how to move away from this behaviour.

Also realising that people with a disability are at greater risk for abuse from a caregiver as well we need to be aware of this as well, we see that this can be a massive issue due to this as well so a behaviour change might be because they are afraid to speak up, and we need to be empowered to speak up without fear of backlash and a lack of understanding of our disability and being dictated to in a way that others don’t have in their lives and we see that people don’t realize this as well.

So we see that people need to be aware especially around people with complex needs that behaviours can be challenging and to guide the person towards more appropriate behaviours so this might be taking more responsibility in a capacity that people can manage and that might be as simple as being responsible for emptying the dishwasher and then also understanding that they need to do it consistently as well.

Also understanding that relationships are quite complex as well is amazing and we see that this comes into play as well so if someone has worked and has some savings and can go out with friends vs people  who are socially isolated that live week to week and the only social contact they have is a support worker we see that this is a massive issue as well, social isolation and day centres can only do so much as it is a very artificial environment as well but we do see that due to TV shows like the Nursing home for teens and other programs like this are giving people a new perspective on life and they are highlighting the importance of social connection as well, and this is important social connection, to mental health so we see that people need to be engaged in something challenging and that for a person with a disability might not be arts and crafts it might be work or volunteering in the community  it might be running a blog with others it can be whatever the person wants it to look like as well.

It also might be helping the person to realize that having a job might not be suitable for them but a micro business might be for the best as well and that they might have a Support worker to do that and that there is no shame in asking for help as well. That asking for help is the most adult thing you can do at times as well.