Mangus and Alec the start of a deep dive into their relationship.
I haven’t done a deep dive into Magnus’s and Alec’s for a
while and I was quite green when I started blogging I haven’t done an in-depth
look at this relationship except in the context of it being a place where both
parties start to heal from trauma.
So we see that they both have a massive amount of trauma in
their lives and that they can recognize this and in a way we see that this is a
good thing as some people including me have been in a very unhealthy
relationships that turned out to be what we would call trauma bonds not love.
Magnus’s last meaningful full relationship would have been
with Camille Belcourt and that would have been an abusive relationship as she
would manipulate him to do her bidding and we see that it was a very off-and-on
relationship. [i] It
essentially was coercive control of Magnus and this is more common than we
would like to think with males it takes a very different look as it can happen
when a relationship breaks down or he needs to be home straight after work. Or she controls his night out with the boys as
we see that this is normalized in TV shows but we see that it can often be too
far in control when a relationship takes good boundaries to work well and to keep
on the same page as well.
Often this is quite
healthy and is part of a good healthy relationship but at times it is coercive
control as the person manipulates or guilt trips the person into feeling guilty
that they haven’t done anything or makes them feel obligated to do things for
the other person that the person is capable of doing on there own. This works
both ways as the person then can do things poorly so that the other person thinks
that it’s better to do it themselves a syndrome called learned dependence. [ii]
Where the person is so ground down that they believe that they have no control
over the situation. Mangus has the challenge
of that he is immortal and that he also has the challenges of that this is the
person who saved him from using a curse that would send his soul into the hell realms
so essential committing suicide.
(1) Shadowhunters 1x12 - Magnus thinks about his
ancient lover - YouTube ( I really that this is in Spanish if I
find an English clip I will put it up.
Yet in Magnus’s case, we see that he does have power and he
does take control of the situation and does leave Camille we see that she
does try to manipulate him back as we see her say to him, “that she is the only
one who would be there for him,”
We also see that he has a close friend who says to him you are immortal,
but you let her kill you This friend is Ragnar fell a fellow warlock that lives
in London and we see that he has a farm later episodes we see that Mangus only
has the one location but we see that the Warlocks generally have several “lairs,”
and we see that a warlock can be killed but not through natural causes. So we
could interpret this as she killed his spirit, as he is interested in Alec and gatecrashes
his wedding in the show and for the book fans, we are aware that Lydia wasn’t in
the books she was a creation to further some of the plot lines as some of the
plot lines from the books wouldn’t have worked on screen or have even got through
the ratings for Netflix. [iii]
It is quite interesting that we see that it’s a male that is
coerced into being in the unhealthy relationship but regarding Males we see
this more when marriages do break down and when they are chased by their ex-wives
for child support when the parents alienate the child from the nonprimary parent.
Yet not willing to work with the
nonprimary parent in a way that would be of benefit to the child and see that
the wellbeing of the child comes first.
[iv]
This is the core of the Men going their way movement as they are men that have
been treated badly by the family court systems and see that Mothers are seen as
primary caregivers and not that the fathers have equal input to the child’s
life and we are seeing this more and more happen that the mother will fight for
custody and not fight to save the marriage. As we see that divorce is too easy or even we
see more and more people having children before marriage and then deciding for
the child to get married and not be willing to put in the effort it takes to
keep a marriage going as we see many women are duped into the “happy ever after,”
that has been the promoted narrative in children’s media.
Yet this isn’t the case and any relationships we see take effort it is the smaller things that people get upset about not the things that
they know they can’t change, but things that they didn’t know the person did before
moving in with the person and bringing two people together in any relationship can
be challenging as we see that they are sometimes unable to see what needs to
happen and the other person will get annoyed when they don’t see that the dishes
need doing or that they have to be asked when they are used to other people
doing it or having a share house where there is a written chart.
So we see that Mangus is quite different in what he can achieve
as he would have seen a lot of change in what he does and how relationships are
managed living with Camille would be very different from living with Alec
and we see that Alec is quite naïve in the way he treats people and we see that
this does play a role in their relationships as we see that he hasn’t had the
time to figure it out.
As he is the acting
head of the institute and we see that he essentially has buried himself in the
sand around this topic of his sexuality as well as deciding he can’t have what
he wanted due to the culture they live in and having to live by the accord and
the Law that is quite harsh towards the Shadowhunters, it is what they call the
cold peace, [v] due
to the after-effects of the Dark war and this is very similar to the cold war[vi]
and the Cuban missile crises[vii]
when we see that it was only that the rebellion of one solder did prevent a nuclear
missile[viii]
from being launched. (these links between
this and Izzy’s Rebellion deserve their post)
as the shadow hunters are part of heaven’s military-industrial complex in a way
and they are soldiers and are used to battle as a normal state of affairs.
Going back to reality
I need to make the distinction between the men going their own way and not the incel
movement that came out of this movement. That has the mentality of if I treat women
nicely they owe me, and this isn’t the truth we see that this isn’t the truth
and that there is a whole movement around trying to stop this behavior before
it starts as it is generally the guys that are in this moment that started on Reddit
have a reason they are this way and it’s generally because of what the media is
telling them and a lack of good strong male role models in their lives in
reality in just looking at the impact of Dr. Jorden Peterson on 12 rules for
life and him putting his lecture online they are calling him the savage messiah.[ix]
That he is telling these people to essentially grow up and find something to do
get a job or aim at something for me getting a job is running this blog and my Quora
space and then moving from there into other digital mediums.
This is incredibly
sad to see this happen and we are seeing this treated as a mental disorder but
we see that this affects the whole family and it has quite complex causes at times
and we see that this needs to be at times stopped from the start and I know
that some churches that when you ask to get married in that church regardless of
whether you are part of that congregation or not you are expected to do a pre-marriage
course that focuses on good communication and practical skills as they want you
to take your vows seriously, as any type of relationship does take work and
effort. [x][xi][xii]
As well as keeping your vows as many people
don’t realize the work it takes to keep any type of relationship going and be able to understand what is happening and keep the lines of communication open
and understand what is happening in the other person’s life and to understand
how different people are at times and this is a key to Alec and Mangus as Camille
was abusive to him and we see that she killed his spirit.
So he was drowning his
memories in experiences and not having relationships of substance outside the warlock
community. This would then add to Magnus’s trauma and we see that he at times
does understand that he is affected by his trauma but not trapped by it and we
see that he has his ways of coping, some being more healthy than others in a
way that we see that he isn’t able to articulate what he needs to say at times
and will lash out.
This is called Maladaptive behavior,[xiii]
and it can occur in Adults with trauma or in people with disabilities, where they don’t know how to ask for positive
attention and to seek it. Or they might not have ever been taught the skills
they need to gain positive attention so by drawing attention to themselves they
gain the attention they want but in a negative way. [xiv]
So we see the use of what is called positive behavior
support [xv]and
is used worldwide in a variety of situations in my area I live in Australia in appropriate
cases with Ndis clients, these can be people who require complex support before
restrictive practices are used as they can be abused quite easily.
Restrictive practices are quite complex and deserve their post,
but in a very simple way, they are practices that restrict access to an area,
food, medications, or excursion or hold the person down. These are to be
used in very strict practices as they have been abused in the past and there are
also what they call chemical restraints these are medications that are used to regulate
or make the person easier to manage, so they in the NDIS in a housing situation
need to have a usage and specialist approval, and it depends on the facility if
the client can self medicate or have access to there own medications, generally,
best practice is for some sort of dosage administration aid[xvi]
to be used. [xvii]
As well as written documentation of why that medication is being used and that
is to ensure that there is no informal cohesion, used. I do freely admit that there
is sometimes a place for appropriate usage of these medications and that they can
be used to improve the person’s quality of life and this is the key as people
under the UN convention of human rights have the right to the parapet in meaningful
processes and this includes health care. [xviii]
as well as to live a meaning full life.
This has complex meanings to everyone and at times it isn’t followed
so this is very complex as what is a meaningful life and it is a lot to try to
unpack and in being able to unpack it in the context of Mangus how is he able
to live a meaning full life when he will never die and this is something to
consider in the context of his actions
as to him a hedonistic lifestyle suited him due to the fact that everyone
around him will age and die and this does become a massive issue in the context
of Magus and Alec’s relationship, and this deserves it’s own post but to wrap
up it is not only women who can face, coercive control and it is a type of abuse
and I recommend a book called look what you made me do if you want to check out
more on this topic and we are seeing the stories coming out of the royal commission
to the treatment of people with disabilities under the NDIS and this others
have covered better than myself and it sees that people need to be aware of
what coercive control looks like and the manipulation of people through guilt[xix]
and working on there emotions, in a way that isn’t healthy or pushes them further
along into compliance.
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