Robert Lightwood family dysfunction.
Shadowhunters Reduced BGMusic 01x09 - Alec and Robert argue about his engagement - YouTube
I have mentioned in previous blogs about the Lightwood family dynamics and they do fit the profile of a dysfunctional family with Jace as a golden-haired child, Izzy as the attention seeker, and Alec as the parent/scapegoat of the family.
We see that in this clip he is still trying to save the family image but it is at a cost to his mental health as at this point in time we do see that he is still in the closet with his family, friends, and himself. He has so much to do that he is simply going through the motions and this isn't great for anyone to simply just go through the motions.
I see that we can live life best when we can live an authentic life. This is a life that you are comfortable in and of yourself. This is a thing with most people, that you can be a person separate from your family, however in the case of the shadow hunters we see that this simply isn't the case as it is the family's sacred mission to protect the laws of heaven, However at what cost is the question.
As we see that Alec is willing to sacrifice himself to be able to save the control of the institute by marrying Lydia. Yet they both know that this is a lavender marriage and a marriage that could be doomed from the start. However, we do see that people are trying to help him and Magnus is the person who helps him to see that he is a person who needs to see his true self and see what his true self is like.
As Robert is trying to protect Alec without realizing that it isn't worth it as he isn't able to see that being absent from the family has led Alec to a parental role and this isn't great for his mental health as we do see that each of the other shadow hunters does have a life outside of work yet Alec doesn't he has so much on and having clary come in isn't great for him as it upsets the order of his life and is well being as well. It brings out his serious mental health issues, that he has never been game to ask for what he wanted in life because he felt he couldn't have what he wanted.
We do see that Clary has her drawing, Jace has his "book club," and his music and it is only when Alec meets Magnus that he starts to develop his own hobbies and create times for the things that he cares about, these things being, Magnus and Mazie, as we see that Magnus has say's if you don't make time for the things you care about you will forget why you are fighting at all.
As Alec's whole identity is around being a Shadowhunter, how does this make him feel to be seen not as a soldier but as a person who has thoughts feelings, and emotions? Magnus is the first person we see who has a massive influence on his life and it is in a good way that Magnus forces him to re-examine what he wants in life that we see that he says straight out to Mangus that he knew that he couldn't have what he wanted in life and this was due to his sexuality and what his parents would think as we do see that his parents are quite disapproving of Magnus at the time and we know that this is because Magnus is seen as a bit of a lothario but The Shadowhunters are bound by a code of ethics to protect the downworlders but at the same time we see them have a lot of prejudice around them as well.
This prejudice is seen in some policing today as well around the way that some members of the police interact with people with a disability and some minority groups. It's clearly not all police but we do see elements of this in the show in the way that we do see the downworlders seen as somewhat lesser and less capable of being helped. Something that is called the bootstrap theory states that a person should be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and help themselves and not be a "slave to their impulses,"
Yet we do see when Alec comes out to the family at a seriously ill-timed moment we see Robert have compassion for Alec and ask how long had it been going on and it had been going on for a while but we see Magnus cover for Alec saying it was all very new to Alec and we see that Robert takes this more seriously than Maryse who sees that her image needs to come first, and there needs and the family influence at the clave comes second.
However, we see that this could be a massive issue because Alec ready is emotionally neglected around emotions and can't really get close to anyone because he never really had a father's love and support.
We do see that there is love and support there but it's conditional and performance-based. Something that we know isn't great for anyone's self-esteem and self-identity as we see that Alec is simply going through the motions and that he isn't quite himself, at times. We see that he is moody and doesn't want to deal with the complications that Clary brings to the family as it shows that he is part of an organization that throws punches first and asks questions later.
We see that they take Magnus's power quite seriously but not his behavior's yet in Alec's case it is Magus that shows him what he could do in his life and when they team up they become very much a power duo, something that Robert seems to come to accept in his life as well. Accepting that Alec is gay takes a lot less time for Robert than for Maryese .
Yet it shows a lack of respect for Alec that the family treats him quite poorly and doesn't seem to get what he needs in the way of emotional development therefore his attachment style to Magus seems to be somewhat avoidant of conflict as it seems to be that Magnus expects Alec to not be a child in relationship issues yet we see that Alec only has Izzy to talk to about this and this can be quite an issue for children not being able to talk to their parents honestly and openly about what is happening in there lives. When they enter into serious romantic relationships we do see that people role model what their parents showed them. However, without seeing healthy respect for and having healthy boundaries we see that Alec is walked all over and doesn't want to deal with conflict, due to him being suppressed all the time as a child.
Again this is masking on a very serious level and this masking is quite damaging for Alec we see him become a much happier person when he can be the person he really is with Magnus. However, we do see that Magnus and his relationship do have its ups and downs but we see due to his communication style with his father that Alec is more an avoidant type when it comes to conflict and being able to resolve conflict. Because of the fact that they are an organization the organization of the shadow hunters first and a family second. This is their purpose in life as they are half human half angel a type of angle called Nephilim.
Shadowhunters 2x16 Alec Mentions Magnus to His Dad - Malec Season 2 Episode 16 - YouTu
We see that Robert like Maryse does learn to accept his son's choice of life partner and this seems to be the straw that breaks the camel's back they can see that there is a lot wrong with the family and they work to resolve it, and heal as a family yet we see that in this clip the Robert is their when Alec on a professional level needs rescuing due to a villain being released, but we see that Alec has grown and has a sense of self thanks to Magnus and we see that this sense of self is difficult for him to accept but we see that he is tough on his father and can see right from wrong and I do agree that it shows that Robert accepts Magnus but doesn't want to accept that his affair was wrong but it was wrong for him as we see that Nephilim love once and deeply so we have to ask if it was an arranged marriage, as these were once quite common amongst the Shadowhunter families. However, they did seem to follow the current "Mundane," culture of the time, this being that arranged marriages were common but the bride and groom had a say in the matter and often were childhood friends.
Reading for this post.
Nephilim - Wikipedia
Community policing - Wikipedia
Broken windows theory - Wikipedia
Masking (personality) - Wikipedia
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