Robert Lightwood and Alec, a look into Family dysfunction.
( Warning this post contains talk about self-harm)
This is a promised post that is about the Lightwood family being dysfunctional, as we see that Robert is an absent father as we see that he hasn't provided Alec a lot of guidance in his life and we see that this isn't a great thing. As even when we are an adult we need guidance to be able to trust our parents, and advice. Yet we do see a lack of trust in the whole Lightwood family as a whole is very dysfunctional and this plays into every relationship shown in were and books (However, my focus is mainly on the Show), And how neglectful Parenting can leave people with a lot of physical and emotional damage. This post will focus on the relationship between him and Alec. I have others in the works as well, however, we see that Alec never, in reality, had the unconditional love of his parents as we see in other clips that he repeatedly says you drilled into me that I was never good enough. Yet we see that this came from a place of Lack in Robert and Maryse carrying the guilt of being in the circle and Maryse having the intelligence to carry out the details of the uprising.
We see that in the books that they were often left with Hodge (the Lightwood family tutor) we need to remember that they were aged up in the show. So we see that they only had each other to lean on and how did they do this as well. As we see in Alec the clear product of parentification as he needs to be the mature responsible one so they as a family can keep the institute. Parentification is when the parents are not willing or have the skills to be good parents and neglect their children. This can take several types of emotional neglect, physical neglect, or expecting a child to take care of your needs without respecting their children's needs adults like Lightwood children have been sheltered from the "Mundane," world. So this plays into the parentification that Alec doesn't have the emotional maturity to be able to seek out healthy relationships with his parents.
Shadowhunters Reduced BGMusic 01x09 - Alec and Robert argue about his engagement - YouTube
So this clip shows that we don't always respect our decisions as a family but they can sort this out as Robert is put in his place about Alec never being good enough yet this shows that there were very messed up reasons for it and those reasons where that the Lightwood parents (Maryse and Robert where in the Circle a breakaway group of Shadowhunters that were lead by Valentine.) His ideas mirror a lot of what in the USA political system we would call the "Left," but did lead to what they call the uprising. Something that still chills me to the core, being a student and an observer of history. Valentine's ideas were to "clean up the down world." But it was to be on his terms and his terms only.
However, I do know of many community groups that have been able to help in getting to the bottom of complex issues in the community so this would translate into the Down world. Some that I can think of and have studied are the black panthers and their garbage strikes. (I am an Australian so I have only read about it so if there are people who have lived it please let me know what it was like.)
As well as people who have an important place in Australian history like Caroline Chisolm and Eddy Marbo. Caroline was a person who looked out for the welfare of young women arriving in Australia for a better life and was able to set them up in new homes, without having to turn to sex work. Eddy Marbo was the person who changed the lives of many first nations people as they were able to have a high court ruling about what we now call Native Tile so that they can live on the land where they have been for centuries.
Alec's idea to propose to Lydia isn't exactly what they had in mind for him as the Lightwood parents obviously wanted to be more involved in the decision, yet we see that Alec is aware of the past, and as he said that Robert wanted to sweep history under the rug yet in the words of George Santayana "Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it." As we see that this is exactly what is happening here by suppressing the shadow hunters' past they are creating the same situations where there can be breakaway groups and we see repeated throughout the show about the Law is hard but it's the Law and this is at first look makes sense yet when we see (a post is in the works about Izzy's sham trial) it play out it plays into what people would see as very unethical practices as the Clave is in reality and Authoritarianism in its political structure. As we see that there is strict adherence to the rules and not a lot of room for personal opinions, and see that only a handful of families have a say and this is why they wanted Alec to get married.
This plays into the idea of too little too late as they refuse to see Alec as a capable emotionally mature adult he isn't because when parents are absent you don't learn the skills to be able to navigate your emotions. So we see that Alec suppresses them and then they boil over, in very unhealthy ways like emotionally lashing out or self-harm. We also see him clearly masking who he is and how he can cope comes out in the fact that he never goes through with the Wedding to Lydia.
Research for this post and information.
How to Deal With Your Emotionally Neglectful Parents | Dr. Jonice Webb (drjonicewebb.com)
Homeschooling - Wikipedia
Secrets in Marriage and the Need for Privacy (verywellmind.com)
The Impact of Adult Infidelity on Children – Two of Us
Parental alienation syndrome - Wikipedia
Parentification - Wikipedia
Covert incest - Wikipedia
This is a promised post that is about the Lightwood family being dysfunctional, as we see that Robert is an absent father as we see that he hasn't provided Alec a lot of guidance in his life and we see that this isn't a great thing. As even when we are an adult we need guidance to be able to trust our parents, and advice. Yet we do see a lack of trust in the whole Lightwood family as a whole is very dysfunctional and this plays into every relationship shown in were and books (However, my focus is mainly on the Show), And how neglectful Parenting can leave people with a lot of physical and emotional damage. This post will focus on the relationship between him and Alec. I have others in the works as well, however, we see that Alec never, in reality, had the unconditional love of his parents as we see in other clips that he repeatedly says you drilled into me that I was never good enough. Yet we see that this came from a place of Lack in Robert and Maryse carrying the guilt of being in the circle and Maryse having the intelligence to carry out the details of the uprising.
We see that in the books that they were often left with Hodge (the Lightwood family tutor) we need to remember that they were aged up in the show. So we see that they only had each other to lean on and how did they do this as well. As we see in Alec the clear product of parentification as he needs to be the mature responsible one so they as a family can keep the institute. Parentification is when the parents are not willing or have the skills to be good parents and neglect their children. This can take several types of emotional neglect, physical neglect, or expecting a child to take care of your needs without respecting their children's needs adults like Lightwood children have been sheltered from the "Mundane," world. So this plays into the parentification that Alec doesn't have the emotional maturity to be able to seek out healthy relationships with his parents.
Shadowhunters Reduced BGMusic 01x09 - Alec and Robert argue about his engagement - YouTube
So this clip shows that we don't always respect our decisions as a family but they can sort this out as Robert is put in his place about Alec never being good enough yet this shows that there were very messed up reasons for it and those reasons where that the Lightwood parents (Maryse and Robert where in the Circle a breakaway group of Shadowhunters that were lead by Valentine.) His ideas mirror a lot of what in the USA political system we would call the "Left," but did lead to what they call the uprising. Something that still chills me to the core, being a student and an observer of history. Valentine's ideas were to "clean up the down world." But it was to be on his terms and his terms only.
However, I do know of many community groups that have been able to help in getting to the bottom of complex issues in the community so this would translate into the Down world. Some that I can think of and have studied are the black panthers and their garbage strikes. (I am an Australian so I have only read about it so if there are people who have lived it please let me know what it was like.)
As well as people who have an important place in Australian history like Caroline Chisolm and Eddy Marbo. Caroline was a person who looked out for the welfare of young women arriving in Australia for a better life and was able to set them up in new homes, without having to turn to sex work. Eddy Marbo was the person who changed the lives of many first nations people as they were able to have a high court ruling about what we now call Native Tile so that they can live on the land where they have been for centuries.
Alec's idea to propose to Lydia isn't exactly what they had in mind for him as the Lightwood parents obviously wanted to be more involved in the decision, yet we see that Alec is aware of the past, and as he said that Robert wanted to sweep history under the rug yet in the words of George Santayana "Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it." As we see that this is exactly what is happening here by suppressing the shadow hunters' past they are creating the same situations where there can be breakaway groups and we see repeated throughout the show about the Law is hard but it's the Law and this is at first look makes sense yet when we see (a post is in the works about Izzy's sham trial) it play out it plays into what people would see as very unethical practices as the Clave is in reality and Authoritarianism in its political structure. As we see that there is strict adherence to the rules and not a lot of room for personal opinions, and see that only a handful of families have a say and this is why they wanted Alec to get married.
This plays into the idea of too little too late as they refuse to see Alec as a capable emotionally mature adult he isn't because when parents are absent you don't learn the skills to be able to navigate your emotions. So we see that Alec suppresses them and then they boil over, in very unhealthy ways like emotionally lashing out or self-harm. We also see him clearly masking who he is and how he can cope comes out in the fact that he never goes through with the Wedding to Lydia.
This clip shows the fallout from him not going through with the wedding to Lydia, and Alec by his mother is called Selfish or Naïve, yet we see that she was the one who "tarnished," the family name.
However, it was the Lightwood parents that by being in the Circle and carried very heavy penalties. We do find out that Hodge the tutor isn't allowed to leave the NY institute because of his role as well. However, he becomes important in the books as he has knowledge of herbs and plants that he supplies to the kitchen as well as having access to what the Shadow hunters called "forbidden," knowledge. That can help with Clary's rune abilities as in the books they are a gift, not punishment. ( I know that this was a very interesting change in the show however we do see that there was more at play than we realized at the time behind the scenes)
However, we do see Robert being a lot more accepting of having a gay son than Maryse and I have done her story arc in more depth as we see a lot more of her than Robert. We see that Magnus later says about the power of a mother's love yet in a post that is in the works for Magnus we do see that he as a young child experienced it but at the age of 10 was on his own in life and we see that he has overcome a lot in life. So can stand by Alec in this tough time in his life. In giving her time we do see that both relationships start to heal and we see that they can become a family again and not keep secrets from each other this is where I see that Alec got the idea that it's ok as it is for him was about survival.
Yet as we see that this often has the opposite effect in that we see that it leads to very unhealthy relationship dynamics in that they aren't able to see what they are doing could be handled a lot better. Things like emotional neglect in an adult relationship can lead to things like emotional incest where you lean on your children when they are children, not other adults.
Research for this post and information.
How to Deal With Your Emotionally Neglectful Parents | Dr. Jonice Webb (drjonicewebb.com)
Homeschooling - Wikipedia
Secrets in Marriage and the Need for Privacy (verywellmind.com)
The Impact of Adult Infidelity on Children – Two of Us
Parental alienation syndrome - Wikipedia
Parentification - Wikipedia
Covert incest - Wikipedia
Authoritarianism - Wikipedia
Garbage Fires for Freedom: When Puerto Rican Activists Took Over New York’s Streets - The New York Times (nytimes.com)
Eddie Mabo - Wikipedia
Native Title Act 1993 - Wikipedia
Caroline Chisholm - Wikipedia
Parents of Gay Children and the Issues They Face | HealthyPlace
The Trevor Project (@trevorproject) | Bing Pages
10 Critical Challenges of Running a Family Business and What to Do About It (profitableventure.com)
Garbage Fires for Freedom: When Puerto Rican Activists Took Over New York’s Streets - The New York Times (nytimes.com)
Eddie Mabo - Wikipedia
Native Title Act 1993 - Wikipedia
Caroline Chisholm - Wikipedia
Parents of Gay Children and the Issues They Face | HealthyPlace
The Trevor Project (@trevorproject) | Bing Pages
10 Critical Challenges of Running a Family Business and What to Do About It (profitableventure.com)
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